


Making It Work

by Anniecat



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, WandaVision (TV)
Genre: Agnes and Ralph are still married for some reason, Excessive use of italics, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Marriage Counseling, Post-Season/Series 01 Finale, Reality TV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 09:41:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29914983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anniecat/pseuds/Anniecat
Summary: Dr. Strange is oddly obsessed with a weird marriage counseling reality show.Or, Agnes and Ralph are back on TV, but this time it's not the broadcasting of a mentally unstable witch's fake reality.
Relationships: Agatha Harkness/Ralph Bohner
Comments: 7
Kudos: 59





	Making It Work

Despite being Masters of the Mystic Arts, the inhabitants of the New York Sanctum had an odd affection for reality television, and that unfortunately, did not exclude Dr. Stephen Strange.

Stephen blamed Wong. In his old life, Stephen looked upon reality television the same way that the majority of people with multiple brain cells did; with utter disgust and contempt. But after he and Wong had settled into the New York Sanctum, he soon found out about Wong’s favorite evening activity.

“You’re not seriously watching  _ The Bachelor _ , are you?” Stephen scoffed. Wong didn’t even look up from the screen.

“Don’t you have some libraries to plow through? Or some powerful beings list you need to update?” 

Stephen thought for a second. “Not… really.”

“It can’t be all sorcery all the time. Now sit down and watch Jordan’s group date at the aquarium.” So Stephen did.

This first few times, he claimed he was watching it ironically, but once he got mad that Katheryn was sent home despite having way more in common with Jordan than Hannah did, he realized he was far more invested than he realized. Which was fine. As Wong has eloquently put it, it  _ couldn’t  _ be all sorcery all the time. So who cared if Stephen got a little  _ too _ into  _ Love Island _ ? After all, he was saving the world from threats they didn’t even know about on the daily, he deserved some time to relax with dumb hot people doing dumb things on camera. 

After he came back after the Blip, there were so many threats to take care of, and so many more reality shows that he could decompress with. Wong had mostly waved them off, preferring the classics, but recently, Stephen had gotten into a new one called  _ Making It Work _ . Admittedly, he had thought it was a spinoff of  _ Project Runway _ when he had started it, but it was actually more of a marriage counseling show. 

The subject of the season was a couple out of Westview, New Jersey, called Ralph and Agnes. Ralph was a younger man, stoner type, with chemically treated hair that was simultaneously greasy and fried at the same time. Agnes was older than him, regular soccer mom type with a wide smile and a gratingly bubbly voice. Stephen had no idea how they ended up together. And apparently, neither did they.

“I don’t know man, one day, she just showed up, and started living at my house. Called me her husband, and I just went along with it,” Ralph said in his first talking head. This piqued Stephen’s interest. “But, you know, whatever. I’m uh, don’t have the best memory. And she seemed pretty sure of herself.” Stephen didn’t doubt that. The guy looked like he had been smoking weed since he could spell the word.

“Oh yeah, I’m  _ sure _ he doesn’t remember how we met, or our wedding day. You know, I’ve considered calling Anheuser-Busch to print, ‘Ralph, your anniversary is June 2nd’ on the cans,” Agnes joked during a one on one interview with the host of the show, a woman called Crystal, after she mentioned Ralph’s comment.

“How  _ did _ you meet?” Crystal asked. Agnes blinked, and looked mildly distressed for a moment, then shrugged.

“Oh, you know.  _ Around _ .” Therein the hook. Two people who seem inanely mismatched but desperately want to stay together. For some reason. Stephen was obsessed.

The house they lived in was a nice two story with 3 bedrooms. “Yeah, when my parents blipped, the house went to me. Which, you know, silver lining, because at the time, you know, I was sort of living out of my car,” Ralph explained to Crystal.

“Did they want their house back?”

“Huh?”

“When they unsnapped. Did they want the house back?” Ralph’s brow furrowed. 

“Um, I don’t know. I haven’t seen them. They never returned.” Stephen had heard of this happening. People who were snapped away that just never seemed to reappear after the Hulk’s reversal. Stephen had been doing his best to find out what happened to them, but his current guess was that these people were going to die in the 5 year span after the Snap in the first place. Not the most cheerful explanation, so Stephen was still investigating.

“And thank God for it, I mean, who wants to deal with their in-laws?” Agnes laughed. 

Crystal determined that part of the reason that they were having compatibility issues was that Agnes never truly felt like she was at home in the house. “Think about it, did you ever truly move in? Or did you just start living here? There's a big difference.” The couple agreed, and they decided to undergo a massive redecorating of their house. Agnes was allowed to choose the wall color and furniture and linens, and Ralph was allowed to keep his “man cave” that was in the attic. 

“Wong. Wong. You have to see this,” Stephen pestered after it was revealed that Ralph was an out of work actor, and Agnes sold herbal supplements. He was in the kitchen getting popcorn, and Wong waved him off, while stealing some popcorn from Stephen’s bowl. 

“Nah. I’m busy with the new season of the Bachelorette where her husband was snapped, then she was cast on the show as a widow, and then her husband came back. So now he’s in the running too.”

Stephen pressed play, and Agnes showed Crystal her line of products. “See, this is garlic extract. Smelly, I know, ha ha! But, if you mix it with a few drops of lavender extract, and boil it with some apple cider vinegar, it’s one  _ hell  _ of an aphrodisiac, if you know what I mean.” Stephen laughed, because funnily enough, it  _ was  _ a recipe for an aphrodisiac, but they didn’t seem to need it. If they were compatible in one area, it was sexually.

“Oh, yeah, she’s an absolute animal in bed. No complaints here! You know, I used to think that  _ I _ was kinky but Agnes takes everything to a brand new level, I mean last night-” 

“Well, let’s move onto you then. Do you ever feel, say, inadequate, or inexperienced in comparison to her?” Crystal asked thoughtfully.

“Do I ever! Man, the way we’ve been going at it, I’m scared it’s gonna fall off!” Ralph exclaimed. 

“Scared what’s going to fall off?” Crystal pried. Ralph glanced down at his crotch. Crystal swallowed uncomfortably. “Right.”

Despite clearly feeling inferior intimately, Ralph didn’t seem all that insecure about it, and Crystal obviously didn’t want to hear about it further, so she dropped the issue. What she moved onto, was the issue of kids. 

“Oh, I  _ absolutely _ want kids! The problem is, er, I’m not exactly sure if Agnes does. And I don’t know if she would want to adopt ‘em, or, you know, DIY it. I mean, I don’t even know how old she is. And I don’t know how to ask her, because, that’s like something that a husband should know. You guys know, right? So it can be put in her title thingy at the bottom of the screen?” The title thingy at the bottom of the screen, had not, in fact revealed Agnes’ age. It  _ had _ revealed Ralph was 34. Stephen would guess at least ten years between the two.

Agnes, however, was not as perceptive to the idea of children. “Oh, jeez, children? Might as well send a tornado through my beautiful home! I mean,  _ our _ beautiful home.” She lamented. 

This seemed to worry Crystal. “Are you aware that Ralph wants kids?” Agnes let out a glassy sounding guffaw.

“Ralph is practically a kid himself! He couldn’t take care of an actual, human baby. It would die. No, Ralph shouldn’t be allowed a baby. No.”

That episode, Crystal brought the two of them into their kitchen and confronted them about their contradicting views on parenthood. “Now, when I had my separate interviews with each of you about the subject of children, it seemed that you had some pretty different ideas on that. Right now, I really want to get you two on the same page. Ralph, can you rate how much of a priority having children is for you?”

“Oh, high. Like, 5 stars. Or, 10 out of 10. Whatever scale you’re using, max it out, baby. And probably soon, too since-” Agnes narrowed her eyes. Ralph gulped and adjusted. “- _ I’m _ 34 already, I mean, I should probably get this show on the road.”

“Agnes, what do you have to say about that?” Agnes raised an eyebrow at Ralph.

“I mean, I just think it’s kind of rich that he-”

“You’re talking to him, not me, Agnes.”

“Fine. Ralph, I think it’s kind of rich that you want to be responsible for another person, but you aren’t even responsible for yourself. I mean, before we met, I don’t think you knew what cauliflower  _ was _ . You slept on a futon. Your back was all screwed up.”

“And I appreciate that, I really do. Once we got a mattress with proper lumbar support, I was able to stand up properly again, which is sweet, because people thought I was only 5’9, but I’m really 5’10. But I’ve changed! I can handle a baby,” Ralph argued.

“Oh, really? Tell me, what are the steps of taking care of a newborn?”

“Well I haven’t  _ googled _ it yet. I can figure it out, though.”

It went like that for a few more minutes, landing on, Ralph was not allowed a baby, but he was allowed to babysit for other families in Westview, which made sense anyways since he really didn’t have a job. Then they started making out on the kitchen table, and Crystal ducked out after Agnes wrestled Ralph’s tie-dye Hawaiian shirt off and they were definitely heading somewhere more X-rated. 

The season was coming to a close, and Stephen was a bit sad. Even though they were gross, he thought Ralph and Agnes were very in love. After Crystal had fixed a lot of their relationship issues, it seemed like they had a real chance at happiness. 

“Strange, are you still watching that?” Wong came in during Crystal’s exit talking head.

“Yes, okay? This is the season finale.” 

“I’m going to say my final goodbye to the Bohners, then be on my way,” Crystal said to the camera, as she went out to the back porch to say her goodbyes.

“Holy shit,” Wong whispered, eyes locked on Agnes. “What is Agatha Harkness doing on a reality television show?” 

“Agatha Harkness?  _ That’s _ Agatha Harkness?” Stephen gawked. He had heard of Agatha Harkness, of course. She had been on his list of Great Magic People to Keep An Eye On, for being a witch exceptionally good at seeping power from other sorcerers. Strange knew what her aura would be like, if he met her, but he hadn’t made a habit of remembering what they looked like, since sorcerers could change their appearance easily.

“She seems to be under some kind of spell,” Wong said. Stephen sighed, and pushed himself off the couch. He reached out for the cloak.

“Hey, where are you going?” Wong asked as Stephen began to open up a portal.

“Westview, New Jersey. I want to see what kind of spell Agatha Harkness is under, and more importantly, who did it.”

**Author's Note:**

> You may be wondering, "Shouldn't Dr. Strange have been aware of the hex? Is he just bad at his job?" And the answer is, he was distracted by all the new seasons of Snapped Away, and Life After Snap, and Love Island.


End file.
